Six months ago, my dad dropped a bombshell on the whole family that for two years my mom had been having an affair with her boss. She moved out for awhile, but they've decided to try and make it work. The thing is, there's still a ton of tension in the house and I'm still so mad at her for basically wrecking our family. She seems so selfish and I'm kind of grossed out by her. I don't know how to talk to either of my parents about it, but life at home is becoming unbearable. How do I talk to them without freaking out?

You do need to talk to your parents ... eventually. First I think that you should take some time to figure out how you're feeling. The best way to do this is to see a therapist. There is a reason that we hire a mechanic when we are having car trouble. Muddling through fixing things ourselves would take twice as long and might not solve anything in the long run. The same is true in circumstances like yours. Ideally your family will go to counselling together at some point, but first you need to pinpoint how to start the conversation with your parents.

Ask your guidance counsellor at school for the name of a good therapist who works with teens, and then let your parents know that they will need to be prepared to pay for some sessions for you. They will likely be impressed that you are taking the initiative and looking after yourself, but if there is any push back calmly remind them that they're the reason you're seeking help. One of the most difficult things about growing up is realizing that your parents are just people. Yes, it is their job to raise and look after you, but they also have the same struggles making their relationship work as anyone else. After you've talked through your feelings, you may find it easier to come to terms with the fact that you've seen their human side.

This might sound conceited, but I've always been known as "The Pretty One". Guys check me out all the time and until recently I could pretty much go out with anyone in my school. Things changed when I started breaking out, like seriously breaking out a few months ago. My face and neck are being taken over by nests of zits, those deep ones that hurt and seem to last forever. I haven't changed my cleansing or eating routine, so I have no idea what's causing it. But it's kind of ruining my life! I don't want to go out, even to school, and I feel like I can't even meet people's eyes in the hallway. What should I do?

Time to see a dermatologist! If you were "The Pretty One," you still are. You just have problem skin. Not to kick a girl when she is down, but my inner-mom demands I mention that this a good lesson that appearances and attention from guys are not a solid foundation for self-esteem. Character-building, as my grandfather would say.

Humbleness aside, bad skin happens to good people, especially at your age when hormones are wreaking havoc. A dermatologist will be able to suss out the source of the issue and prescribe a remedy. It will likely combine a medication and a new cleansing routine. While you may not have changed your regimen, your skin has changed and the products you use may need to change with it. In the meantime, remember that while your problem is skin-deep (literally), there are many other people dealing with problems that a new facewash can't fix. You're still pretty and lucky, so enjoy it.

My friend Megan fell in with the stoner kids at school in grade 10, and she ended up getting pretty hardcore into meth. She became like a totally different person, and her parents got so scared that they sent her to a fancy rehab place in the States. She's been home for a few weeks, and she's clean and seems like herself again. But kids at school won't let it go. They call her "Meth Mouth." I'm worried that Megan will get so upset she'll go back to her old ways. Should I talk to her parents?

I think before you talk to her parents you should talk to her. She must be under a great deal of pressure trying to stay sober in high school, and is likely feeling alone, judged, and rejected by how people have reacted to her return. Show her that you're not fazed by the other students' attitudes and she will feel that she at least has someone in her corner.

Another way to show her this is by standing up for her when you hear kids calling her names. A lot of the time, bullies keep bullying because they feel empowered by the fact that people laugh, join in, or simply stay quiet. Even by saying something as simple as "Really? Picking on people is super fun. You must be the coolest and most perfect person in this whole school" in a sarcastic tone will make it clear that you aren't going to quietly support their behaviour. Bullying is a huge problem that is deservedly receiving more attention these days. School administrators must be aware of the struggles that your friend has been through and should be keeping an eye on her re-integration. If this continues, it's time to remind them of that.

Something has been really been bugging me about my boyfriend, but I have no idea what to do about it. We've been going out for a year, and most things are great. Early on, I realized that, like a lot of guys, he sometimes watches porn. I told him that I was cool with it, even though it bothered me, but I've only recently realized, when I looked through his web history, that he might be addicted to it. He's watching at least three or four hours a day, often at night after he's seen me. I'm worried that he's comparing me to the girls online, and lately he's asked me to do some things sexually that I don't want to do, and which I know that he's seeing online. I love him, but how worried should I be?

This is a problem which I imagine is ever-increasing in the golden age of the internet. While the web has many upsides (cultural exchange of ideas! Information-gathering for work and school! Shopping at stores that don't exist in your hometown! This magazine!), there are certain elements that make me feel very lucky I came of age before the dawn of Facebook. At the top of this list? Porn. When I was in high school, boys who wanted to see naked women would have to get an older brother to buy them a skin mag or rent them a smutty video (video as in VHS). These days the opportunities to view everything under the sun is only a click away, and when combined with raging teenage hormones and the attention span of a fruit fly, it's no wonder that teen boys are watching more and more porn.

Still, while it may be understandable, you do have a right to be concerned, especially since his hobby is affecting your relationship. Boys and men who spend a lot of time masturbating to porn become desensitized both physically (making it more difficult to reach climax through other means), and, of course, emotionally. The message your boyfriend is getting is that women enjoy absolutely everything about sex, and that they should be up for anything.

Which just isn't true. After all, they're called porn actors for a reason. You need to tell your boyfriend what your boundaries are and stick to them. Make it clear that while you understand his interest in porn, the women he is looking at are much older, much more experienced, and are also being paid to perform that way. Also, perhaps point out that while he may have watched a lot of sex, that doesn't make him an expert at actually having it.I've watched a lot of basketball (fanatical father, older brother and cousins), but that does not make me an NBA pro. The good news? When it comes to boys, a real live girl beats a cyber-babe any day of the week.

I'm going to be 18 next year, and for my birthday I told my mom that I want to get a tattoo. My mom is usually cool when I let her in on what's going on in my life, but I was shocked at how mad she was. She acts like just because I'm going to have a Gothic symbol on my shoulder that I'm throwing away my future, and that no one will ever hire me. I've tried to tell her that the world is changing, and that people don't judge you for having a tattoo. How can I convince her?

I'm going to partake in a time-honoured advice-giving trope and answer your question with a question. Why do you need to convince her? You pointed out that you will be 18 when you do this, so you don't legally need her permission. You have a right to do what you want to your adult body and your mother has a right to feel upset that there will be a change to the body that she created, nourished, clothed, and cared for. It's likely that this plan only exacerbates her feelings of loss as she realizes her daughter is an adult and has a chance to do adult things. Rather than trying to convince her that you're all grown up, it might be nice to remind her that you will always be her daughter no matter how much of your skin is inked.

On a side note, I wonder if your need to convince your mom is because you're secretly worried that she's right. Not about the job stuff (we are long past the days when a single tattoo could obstruct your chances for employment ... unless it's on your face), but about whether you are really ready for such a permanent expression. I have a rule, coined when I was your age and having the exact same arguments with my mother. I decided that I would wait nine months between coming up with the idea for a tattoo and actually getting it (the same amount of time she was pregnant with me seemed symbolically relevant at the time). And here I sit, without a tattoo in sight. You're at an age where your interests, style, and tastes can radically change in fairly short amounts of time, which makes permanent body art tricky. That said, I also have friends who got tattoos in their teens and still love them. So if you are decided, have at it. Just cut your mom some slack too.  

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